There are very few men who on their death-bed say: “I wish I had worked more instead of spending so much time with my kids”.
Now, if we all know that we will regret not being better fathers to our kids when they where young, then why don’t we change our behavior and spend more time with our children?
When a man summarizes his life would he not much rather have slightly less wealth in exchange for a richer relationship with his kids?
Kids do not want more of your money.
They want more of your time.
More of you.
It’s 2015.
It is not time to focus on what is best for the children, best for the fathers, best for the families – and yes, best for societies?
Man up.
There is nothing more manly than being a father.
And there is nothing more fatherly than being there for your kids.
Deep inside you know that you rather be with them than work so much.
If you do not know that yet, you will when you are lying there on your death-bed.
But then it will not be knowledge, then it will be regret.
Because then it will be too late.
Listen to the hard earned wisdom of generations of fathers:
Spend more time with your children when they are young.
You will not regret it.
And your children will love you for it.
Be a man.
Be a father.
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A few years back Swedish youth magazine “Kamratposten”asked 6000 boys and girls between 8–14 years old who they rather talk to when they are sad. (Source – in Swedish.)
The result was quite sad – especially if you are a man.
40,9% of the children answered “My mother”.
25% answered “A friend”.
About 10% answered “Someone else”.
About 10% answered “No-one”.
Then – finally – came:
“My father” … (at 5,4%)
Ouch.
When a kid is sad she doesn’t want to talk to dad? That is sad. In so many ways.
It is especially sad when it comes to the boys.
If a son doesn’t feel that he can talk to his father when he is sad, angry or frustrated, then is he not missing out on the opportunity to learn from his closest male role model?
And, to be honest, what kind of male role model are fathers if our sons do not feel like that can come to us for advice when they need it the most?
The good news is, of course, that this could rather easily be fixed.
If fathers decided to spend a little bit more time with their kids, then they would create a tighter connection to the child.
And with a tighter connection there is a higher possibility that our kids will show their vulnerability and open up instead of closing down.
God knows that what the world needs is not more closed up males who want to keep their problems inside until they explode…
— This blog is founded on the belief that our children would benefit if fathers took a bigger responsibility in raising their kids. If you agree, then please spread the word. —
“Sure, staying home more with my kids would be awesome – but I have to work.”
That is what many fathers will tell you.
But is that really true?
In an amazing video (see below) made by IKEA children are asked to write a wish-list to The Three Kings (the Spanish equivalent to Santa Claus).
They all wish for things.
Then the kids are then asked to write a second letter to their parents wishing what they want from them.
Suddenly the kids are not asking for things anymore – they are asking for time.
“I wish you would spend more time with me. That we do more experiments at home.”
“I would like it if you would have dinner with us more often.”
“I want you to spend one whole day with me.”
They ask for time. Not Toys.
Now ask yourself: How much have you spent on toys, classes and other things for your child the last year?
How many hours did you have to work to make the money needed to buy those things?
Now, if you instead of working those hours had spent that time with your child what do you think would have made your children happier?
What would have made you happier?
And it is not about taking years off and stop working all together. I totally understand that I am in a fortunate position who can take months of unpaid leave to be with my kids. But how many fathers could not take a couple of weeks? A month?
Would a month make any difference, you ask?
I am utterly and 100% sure that extra month at home bonding with your child will make a much bigger difference to you, your child and your family than that one months salary – when all the plus and minuses are summed up together at the end of your life.
Do a budget and see how much you are spending on, say your car, your hobbies, your vacation, etc and then ask: “What if I did not spend all of that money , but instead worked a little bit less and spend that time with my kids.
Again – what would make you happier?
The joy of having kids is, arguably, the greatest joy there is. But that is, again arguably, beaten by the joy that a child feels when it feels that her parents are spending time with her because they love doing it over anything else.
No, not every father in the world can afford to spend more time with his kids. But 99% of us can. And probably 100% of the dads reading this.
So do it. Your children will love you for it. And you will love it too. I can almost promise you that.
ps. I do not know if it is a coincidence, but in this video it is only the mothers talking. The dad’s are just sitting there silently, like they are too ashamed to even say the words out loud. But perhaps I am just over analysing 😉
(Screen shot from the video.)
Watch the video here. It is well worth watching.
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